A Deaf Illusion

I swear it was a joke when I started that blog. Maybe not like a complete joke, since it was half school thing, but I swear I wasn’t thinking of such consequences. I just wanted to share a laugh with my fairly sensible English class. I don’t like to say this, but I can write. I wrote stuff about being deaf and put “I’m deaf” in the favorite music section of my profile. I made up posts about how people pity me because I’m deaf and can’t enjoy music but I hate it because I don’t even know what music is, complete with a brilliant analogy of orgasm, saying that you don’t know orgasm until you’ve had sex. I made up several posts about being deaf until someone accidentally saw my fake journal entries and posted some comments of hope. I was laughing to death and so were several other people. Then it all got sparked up. Most people would have thought “okay, this is enough” by the time they got comments like “My son is deaf too. I hope you don’t lose your faith” blah blah. It didn’t occur to me, sadly. I made up some brilliant posts about how I got hit by a car because I couldn’t hear. Mind you, those were some brilliant writing. They sure deceived lots of people. See, it wasn’t really realistic at all. That’s how I realized people are such stupid creatures. It got all serious and I earned some e-fame. Oh those days. Tweeting was really too much since “twitter” is a word about sound. So instead a publication company suggested a book deal. By this time, my English classmates were scolding me harshly with jealousy, and my average had jumped to a 99. My teacher was amazed. “How did you manage that?” he asked. “It doesn’t even sound that real!” No, it didn’t. That’s what amused me when people actually believed that I was deaf. The thing is, you always hear about deaf people being all miserable about themselves on the TV, but they’re really not. Deafness isn’t half bad as blindness, and blindness isn’t half bad as being paralyzed. You can figure out what people are saying, you just have to be extra careful. Anyway, I had to make sure that no one who knows me pops onto my blog and post comments like “She isnt def I no her from school! This blog is a joke!!!!” Then I started acting deaf occasionally. It was a joke too, I assure you. “Speak up, I can’t hear, duh” kind of thing.


It was all that neuroscience shit that made me really deaf. I woke up one day—I don’t know what happened, since my perception is all changed and stuff—and I was living a normal day. Well, I guess it was a really silent day. But really, it was a good day. No one bothered me with anything, and I was having some serious relaxation time. Then mom took me to the hospital for, really, no reason, and the doctor said I had a neurotic disorder that made the concept of sound disappear within my brain (BS in my opinion. Tranquility is not a disability).

So apparently, I am deaf. But I don’t know it, it’s just that everyone told me I was deaf. Since my brain no longer has any idea about what hearing is, I don’t remember what it was like before losing my ability to hear. If I do, I don’t understand it. Now I’m real deaf. So you can believe that the blog is real. This is some crazy shit, what happened to me.