Suffocation

When I die, I want him to kill me. I love him so much that I would let him do that. Not really. I hate him. I love him. I must—oh yes I must—feel his fingers wrap around my neck and lock me still. I want to be looking into his eyes when I die. How beautiful. I want them to be the last thing ever that my eyes will see. My useless eyes, so hideous compared to his, I felt so bad whenever I had to look him in his eyes. And oh dear how I wanted to beat you. Beat your achievements and beat you to death, but instead I’m letting you do it to me. I don’t even understand why I would ever want you to kill me. But one thing I know, the last smell I want to smell is the scent of your cologne and the last thing my skin needs to feel is your fingers around my neck. It doesn’t matter how hard I’ve tried to beat you, it just has to be you who finishes me. When in despair I think of the killer and it makes me ecstatic. And preferably, before your hands block my ABCs, make sure your lips give me one last kiss. Kiss and kill. I hate you. I hate you with my life. My life that will cherish at your hands. I hope you’ve thought about how sexual an act strangling is.

Interlude

I was going to write a story with a disgusting first sentence, but then I was listening to Andrew Bird. The music was too pretty for that kind of rotten thought—what a big lie. My head is actually full of those rotten thoughts. I shouldn’t have to think this hard to come up with one twisted action that would nicely start off a story. Andrew Bird keeps singing. His songs are too pretty—damn Damien Rice—it drags me to hell. Oh no no no no no no no wash my head out for me.

Sweetness

"You are among the smartest and most prepared students who take this test. If you feel stuck, so do lots of other people; you, however, have many strengths on which to capitalize and tons of practice under your belt, so have faith in yourself! Good luck!

Love, Ms. W"

Flooring: Why Carpets Are the Worst Choice

Shit yeah I wrote this 17-page paper.

Jinsol Lee
Ms. Wilson
AP English Language
12 April 2010

Flooring: Why Carpets Are the Worst Choice

One of the transitions I went through when I moved into the dormitory was from hardwood floor at home to a carpeted building. It may sound like a minor transition compared to most other transitions that students go through when they leave home and take the first step to independence, but wall-to-wall carpets hit me as somewhat of a culture shock. The entire dorm building except a small kitchen area and the bathrooms was carpeted. All my life I had been adjusted to simply mopping up dust and my dog’s misplaced waste on the floor and being completely fine with it. In my new residence, vacuuming was a daily necessity, which took me quite some time to realize. Before I realized the importance of vacuuming to maintaining a clean and healthy environment for myself, I had contemplated numerous times why my foot got dirtier when I walked barefoot in the dorm than at home and where all the dust floating in the air came from. I found out later that I was not the only person unsatisfied with carpeted floors when my freshman English class expressed a collective antipathy toward carpets. In fact, stationary, wall-to-wall carpets are a worse choice for home flooring than hardwood or stone floors or even area rugs for economic and health-related reasons.

The static nature of carpets installed wall-to-wall creates a variety of problems related to maintenance. Even in the best home maintenance available, some of these problems occur soon after the initial placement of the carpet. These inevitable issues often result in a highly visible way, such as the edge of the carpet falling off the floor or pressure damage from furniture weight. Carpet edges’ falling off or being torn is a common issue with carpets, especially in cases of unprofessional installation or low-quality glue. In this case, the homeowner is not usually able to fix the carpet fully by himself and must seek professional assistance, which costs both money and time. Most importantly, until it is repaired, the carpet gives the house an unfinished and messy look. A torn spot on a carpeted floor exposing bare floor may change the entire atmosphere of the house, giving an impression that the house is still under construction or the homeowner is not careful. Furthermore, the residents of the house, especially children, become prone to tripping over the uneven surface of torn spots. Pressure damage, another common problem, happens in almost any room with stationary carpet and furniture. The spot of compressed fiber is invisible most of the time, but when the resident decides to rearrange the room, it becomes visible and annoying. The only solution other than getting a completely new carpet is to wait, and it takes weeks, sometimes months, for the fiber to spring back up to make a level surface.

Even a perfectly maintained carpet is often not a good addition due to its effect on the mood of the house. Today, hardwood and stone floors are associated with wealth and a carefully devised housing plan. While carpets may suggest the same, the trend toward non-carpeted floors in houses puts carpets into the “tacky” category. The artificial colors and patterns on carpets are just a mockery compared to natural wood and stone patterns. If an aesthetically pleasing visual interior element is what the customer is looking for, he does not need to look any further. Wood and stone, two of other popular flooring materials, are suitable for many types of interior atmosphere ranging from a modern penthouse to a cozy rural home. On the other hand, scarcely any modern building uses anything more than area rugs for its carpeting option. The ideal homes in television are enough to prove the trend toward carpetless flooring; an increasing number of TV homes lack carpeted floors. The colors of carpets set a limit on their use in home design as well. Although there is a wide array of pastel-colored carpets, most new homeowners choose dark-colored carpets in fear of permanent stain. The result is a high rate of dark carpets whose colors can affect the residents’ emotion negatively. Over the history, dark colors have been usually associated with grim emotions. “Gray is associated with old age,” says Faber Birren, a leading authority on the psychology of color (Birren 141). “Black is associated with gloom, and brown with melancholy” (Birren 141). According to him, lighter colors such as white and yellow are associated with more positive emotions such as awareness and warmth (Birren 142). The dark color not only affects mindset but also alters the lighting environment. Dark colors such as gray and navy appear dark because their surfaces absorb most of the incident light. A significant amount of indoor light is “recycled” through internal reflection in a room with hardwood or stone floors, but the dark colors prevent the incident ray from reflecting and lightening in a room with dark carpet, resulting in a darker room and consequently, energy inefficiency.

Carpets are even less aesthetically pleasing when they stain. The problem with carpet stains is that they happen easily and permanently. It is difficult to wash a carpet, and washing is often not done thoroughly, resulting in a permanent stain that gives a messy and disorderly impression. Furthermore, when liquid spills, especially drinks, the spill becomes sticky and dust attracting as it dries. The remaining sugar and other food additives have to be spot-cleaned, or they will attract unwanted dust and provide fungi and insects with food, harboring an ideal environment for their inhabitation. A spill left neglected too long may also emit an odor as it decomposes or as the fabric traps the odorous particles. Pet waste or vomit, for example, cause strong odor, often times even after cleaning up. Odor, as the primary method of communication of animals, encourages the pet to continue laying waste at the same place. In cases of permanent odor, the solution is either to remove the carpet or spot clean the spill, which does little to reduce the odor most times (Jacobsen Oriental Rugs).

Overall, maintenance of carpets proves to be a time-consuming and expensive job. Permanent or semi-permanent damage to the carpet requires a professional cleaning service or a reinstallation. For example, if a stain persists for a long time, and the owner wishes to maintain a neat look, his or her only choice may be installing an entirely new carpet. From initial purchase to daily maintenance, it is economically disadvantageous to keep carpets instead of another type of bare floor. Michael Hilton, the technical manager of Carpet and Rug Institute, recommends about $2,000 of budget for purchase and installation of a 530ft^2 area, which covers the living room in most houses (Hilton). Regular cleaning and renewal are required with professional cleaning every year and a renewal every ten to fifteen years (Hilton). Professional cleaning costs $200 for a 530ft^2 area on average, and a re-installment costs another $2,000 (Hilton). No step in the maintenance process is redundant because carpet renewal is a crucial part of keeping the home clean. Using the same carpet for an extended period saw a tenfold increase in the concentration of dust and house dust mites according to scientific studies (Hirsch 6). Hardwood and stone flooring have advantage over carpets with respect for maintenance costs because wood and stone are two of the most durable building materials. With proper care, wood and stone can last decades or even centuries. Neither of them requires professional cleaning or renewal.

Carpets are inefficient in terms of energy as well. Contrary to the popular belief that carpets will save money because they capture warmth in the winter and save the energy used for air conditioning, cleaning and air conditioning in the summer prove to be just as energy-consuming, if not more, as any other type of bare floor. While mopping would do the cleaning needed for wood and stone floor, vacuuming is a necessity for removing the dust in carpets. The energy consumption of vacuum cleaners is large enough to raise concern for heat pollution. A typical house vacuum cleaner requires 1000W to 1400W of power supply (Sears). 1200W of power usage means that the vacuum cleaner uses 1200J of energy every second, enough to raise the temperature of an ounce of water from 32 degrees to 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Air conditioning used to cool down the heat captured by carpets in the summer produces even more heat pollution due to the mechanism on which it works. The second law of thermodynamics states that heat cannot spontaneously flow from a system with lower energy to one with higher energy and that additional work is required to make it flow that way. Air conditioners and refrigerators are the prime example of appliances that remove heat from one place with additional work. Whereas a heating appliance directly adds energy in the room and converts all energy input to the room to heat, a cooling appliance uses more energy to pump out the energy from the room. In a cooling device, both the input work and the removed energy become waste, contributing to heat pollution and energy inefficiency.

One wastes not only heat energy but also mechanical energy with carpets. Carpets have a greater friction coefficient than wood, which means that stronger force is required to move the same object on a carpeted surface than a wooden one. The average coefficient of static friction of common carpeting fibers is 0.70, which means that 70% of the weight of the object is needed to move the object (Hirai 56). The coefficient of static friction of wood on wood is 0.2, which means that moving an object would require only 20% of the weight of it (Giancoli 90).

Just the simple fact that almost all commercial carpet is made with synthetic fibers discourages the use of carpets. Synthetic fibers have many drawbacks compared to other natural fibers or bare flooring. Polypropylene and polyester, which account for 80% of all commercial carpets, are not recyclable (RUGCycle). Since carpets need renewals regularly, these carpets make huge amounts of plastic waste that takes tens of thousands of years to decompose. Synthetic fibers also pose a fire hazard with their low flash point and tendency to create static electricity (RUGCycle). While the ignition temperature of wool is approximately 230℃, the ignition temperature of polyurethane, a common substance used for hardwood floor finishing, is 416℃, proving that wool can catch fire at a lower temperature than hardwood floor in an emergency (Cafe). The tendency of a substance to create static electricity is largely dependent on its capacitance used to calculate the charge that can be stored on a capacitor for a given voltage. The magnitude of the charge on a capacitor by definition is its capacitance multiplied by the potential difference (voltage) across the capacitor (Equation 1). Consequently, the magnitude of the charge is proportional to the capacitance of the substance. The capacitance of a capacitor is given by dividing the product of ϵ, the dielectric constant, and A, the area of each plate of the capacitor by d, the distance between the two plates (Equation 2).

[Equation 1] Q=CV
[Equation 2] C=ϵA/d

In a homogeneous structure such as fabric, A and d stay relatively the same for any given sample within the structure, leaving the capacitance to be dependent on the dielectric constant, which is a constant that describes how much charge a capacitor made of a certain substance can store. The dielectric constant is a relative constant at 1.0 for air, 1.3 for cotton, 1.5 for polypropylene, and 3 to 4 for acrylic and polyester resin, resulting in a higher capacitance for those substances than air and a tendency to store more charge under the same condition (K-TEK). On the other hand, wood and especially varnish do not have appropriate structure to function as capacitors due to their lack of uniform space between each fiber.

Nevertheless, when one removes carpets from his or her house, it is often not for economic or aesthetic reasons. The more serious problem with carpets is that carpets constitute a major health hazard in the home. Carpets contribute to the development of several chronic health issues such as respiratory and skin allergies, eye irritation, and headache.

Theses issues owe their association with carpets to organisms that find an ideal habitat in carpets. Carpets provide house dust mites, the main cause of respiratory and skin irritation, with an (Hirsch 2). The structure of fiber in fabric traps a variety of small particles that are not easy to capture with traditional cleaning methods such as vacuuming and steam cleaning. The typical floor dust consists of human cells from skin and hair and fabric dust (Hirsch 2). With humidity from the atmosphere and in the dust captured in the fabric itself, the dust provides food for the dust mites, which flourish in fabric household objects such as mattresses, carpets, and couches (Hirsch 2). The fact that there is no way to perfectly remove liquid spills on carpets contributes to forming of a humid enough environment for unwanted organisms to settle (Kowalski). When a liquid spills on a carpet, it virtually cannot be removed and the owner has to spot clean the spill or leave it to dry in case of water spills, whereas on a hardwood or stone floor, the spill would disappear in a few seconds with a swipe of a mop. The resulting environment proved ideal for the growth of several types of human pathogenic fungi: alternaria, cladosporium, and rhodoturula in a Pennsylvania State University research (Kowalski). Exposure, especially long-term, to these molds may cause respiratory infections, asthma rhinitis, skin infection, and toxic reactions (Kowalski). The growth of molds and their production of volatile organic compounds are thought to cause 15% to 30% of all cases of Sick Building Syndrome, a series of discomforts associated with being in certain buildings (Kowalski; United States Environmental Protection Agency). The fungi are hard to remove as they reproduce asexually and can survive in extreme situations such as the outer space, rendering the inhabitants of the house more vulnerable to long-term exposure (Kowalski). In the springtime, when there is more pollen in the air, the structure of fiber captures pollen easily and worsens allergic reaction by raising the concentration of the allergen. While pollen on hard floor can be cleaned up completely by using a wet mop, vacuuming and steam cleaning, the only options for home carpet cleaning, do not remove pollen completely. The remaining pollen causes a long-term exposure, which results in persistence of allergic symptoms. For these reasons, the British Allergy Foundation recommends to allergy patients that they remove carpets from their homes for prevention (British Allergy Foundation).

In addition to the biological hazards, chemicals in carpets pose another threat to the residents’ health. New and old alike, carpets may contain toxic chemicals such as lead, volatile organic compounds, and formaldehyde (Baek; Park; Yiin). Long-term use of carpets maximizes the emission of volatile organic compounds, which cause headache, muscle aches, and fever (Baek; Park; United States Environmental Protect Agency). Virtually no cleaning method can eliminate the threat from these chemicals. According to a New Jersey study, vacuum bag samples of carpets showed that more than 96% of all samples contained a detectable level of lead (Yiin 2). Even after cleaning through vacuuming and wiping, the level of lead did not significantly decrease with post-cleaning level at 78% of pre-cleaning level (Yiin 2). Volatile organic compounds, as discussed above, are produced mostly by fungi that are hard to remove due to ability to reproduce rapidly and survive in extreme environment (Kowalski). Formaldehyde is equally as hard to remove as fungi, if not more, since it is not on the surface of the carpet like volatile organic compounds but inside the carpet (Park). Other toxic chemicals are intentionally added in the process of carpet production for pigment enhancement, fireproofing, and waterproofing (ABGoodman HouseplanZ). Moreover, some kinds of synthetic and natural fiber in carpets may cause allergy reactions such as itching and rashes (Grizzard). Even a portion of wool used in a mainly synthetic fiber carpet sometimes can result in skin irritation to patients who are allergic to wool (Grizzard).

Most of the resulting health issues are chronic and persistent—atopy, skin and eye irritation, and headache. A study in South Korea found that office productivity is significantly lower in a carpeted office than one without carpets (Baek). After fifty minutes of being in a room with carpets, most workers reported an inclination in the level of eye irritation (Baek; Park). In another study, a “significant relationship” between atopy breakout and contact with cotton dust was identified (Salvaggio 4-7). The chronic irritation poses a major distraction from work.
One of the most common misconceptions about carpets is that vacuuming does most of the cleaning that carpets need. The mere presence of carpet increases the floor dust weight (Elliott 1). According to a World Health Organization report, indoor pollution is a serious threat to the residents’ health because it is a thousand times as likely to reach the lungs as outdoor pollution (qtd. in Park). Wall-to-wall fixed carpets are particularly worse than area rugs as vacuum cannot reach under the carpet and a large amount of dust can deposit as neither hands or vacuum can reach the dust. Carpets are also a major contributor to airborne dust as the fibers are prone to disintegration and may float around in the air, adding extra dust, whereas wood and stone floors are solid and do not produce much dust by themselves. Even if the owner vacuumed the carpet regularly, the level of dust would not decline enough to eliminate health hazards coming from the presence of dust and chemicals (Yiin 2). It also increases the indoor dust rate to empty vacuum bags inside the house, a detail that most people ignore (Yiin 4). When one empties a vacuum bag indoors, the dust can easily escape the bag and flow back into the house (Yiin 4). Another popular method to clean carpets, steam cleaning, is just as hazardous. Steam cleaning utilizes high-temperature steam to kill germs in the carpet but can cause further growth of germs and fungi by providing them with humidity and nutrition from the killed organisms (Kowalski).

Likewise, sprays that kill germs and dust mites pose another hazard that is just as bad for health as the actual dust mites and resulting allergies. For example, a chemical commonly added to enhance the sterilizing ability of the spray products is ethylene diamine tetraacetic acid (Black). Long-term exposure to ethylene diamine tetraacetic acid may cause skin damage, eye damage and irritation, and damage to kidneys (ScienceLab). The damage occurs faster when the chemical is inhaled or directly in contact with a body part (ScienceLab). Most germ killer products in market are in the form of spray, which vastly increases the chance of human inhaling and direct contact with the skin. Another type of killer product, ultraviolet ray, must be used with care as well as exposure to ultraviolet light causes skin cancer and damage in the eye. Any matter of wave nature, such as light, has an energy that is proportional to its frequency, the number of complete oscillations of wave produced in one second. Frequency is given by speed of light divided by the wavelength of the light, which means that the shorter the wavelength, the more energy the light has. In case of ultraviolet light, the wavelength stands at 10 to 380 nanometers, a lower range than visible light (390nm-750nm) or infrared light (0.7µm-300µm). Most household ultraviolet light sterilizers work at wavelengths ranging from 240nm to 260nm with a high energy level. The short wavelength results in a more powerful light ray that can harm human cells. Compared to long-wave radiation, whose wavelength ranges from 315nm to 390nm, short-wave ultraviolet radiation is more often a contributing factor of skin cancer development (Suarez-Varela 6; World Health Organization). Direct consequences of short-term exposure to ultraviolet light include sunburn and eye irritation, and long-term exposure can create more serious problems such as skin cancer and blindness (World Health Organization). What homeowners risk when they use germ killers and sterilizers to prevent dust mites and allergy is, ironically, diseases that would make allergies seem like a laughing matter.

If one would still like to enjoy the benefits of a carpet even though there are hazards, a great alternative would be area rugs. Area rugs increase flexibility in home decoration and eliminate problems posed by poor maintenance, as they are not glued and can be moved back to the original position when they slip off. Since a resident has a greater access to rug bottoms than carpet bottoms, he would find it easier to spot clean rugs, which requires care but does thoroughly eliminate most dirt inside and beneath the rug (Jacobsen Oriental Rugs). Whereas stationary carpets prevent the floor from being cleaned thoroughly by blocking access to the dust shed both from the carpet and floor material, area rugs provide access to the hard floor, which usually can be cleaned in a simple process of mopping. The relatively easy and through cleaning method for rugs, which is to shampoo the rug, rinse it with water, and lay it flat to dry, eventually results in a lower chance of harboring of biological hazards such as fungi or chemical hazards such as lead and volatile organic compounds (Jacobsen Oriental Rugs). When it comes to spills and stains, a homeowner would truly appreciate the availability of running water to rinse the rug front and back. The fact that rugs require little professional maintenance leads to relatively less spending than stationary carpets that require regular hiring of cleaning services. An area rug provides an opportunity to cut off other carpet-related expenditure as well, as it does not need professional service to be installed or removed. Furthermore, rugs are energy efficient in the way they can be taken away in the summer and enable the owner to take advantage of the cool nature of hardwood and stone floor, reducing his or her fuel usage by cutting down the need for the extra air conditioning to balance the heat captured in carpets.

It is surprising how widely carpets are used in the world with modern pollution and consequent prevalence of asthma and skin and respiratory allergies. With intense focus on conservation of energy and prevention of heat pollution, insisting on carpeted floors seems almost unreasonable. Carpet owners are essentially putting their lives in danger by covering their houses in such a combustible and mold-attracting substance. If their logic is that they can overcome these problems by the use of chemicals and other cleaning methods, they are dragging themselves into a cycle of issues. Most of the chemicals are harmful to the human body in one way or another and the cleaning methods either cost extra money, do not work well enough to eliminate the health hazard, or become a threat themselves. Consumers are realizing the disadvantages of carpets: the housing trend is already departing from carpets and leaning toward hardwood flooring. Weary allergy patients can now look hopefully into a future in which carpets are a thing of the past.
 

Works Cited

ABGoodman HouseplanZ “Carpet vs. Hardwood Floors.” ABGoodman HouseplanZ. ABGoodman Houseplanz. N.d. 21 Feb. 2010. Web.
Baek, Youngyu, and Seungi Park. “Quality of Air Polluted by Carpets and Productivity.” The Korean Society of Living Environmental System 13.4 (2006): 277-282.
Birren, Faber. Color Psychology and Color Therapy: A Factual Study of the Influence of Color
on Human Life. Whitefish, MT: Kessinger Publishing, LLC, 2006. Print.
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Foundation. Aug. 2008. Web.
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June 2007. Web. 29 Apr. 2010.
Elliott, Leslie, et al. “Dust Weight and Asthma Prevalence in the National Survey of Lead and
Allergens in Housing (NSLAH).” Environmental Health Perspectives 115.2 (2007): 215-220.
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2005. Print.
Grizzard, Joen. Personal interview. 18 Apr. 2010.
Hilton, Michael. “Budgeting for Carpet.” The Carpet Buyers Handbook. Carpet Buyers
Handbook, n.d. Web. 29 Apr. 2010.
Hirai, Ikuko, and Gunji Toshihiro. “Slipperiness and Coefficient of Friction on the Carpets.”
Textile Machinery Society of Japan 53.6 (2000): 53-58.
Hirsch, Thomas, et al. “Variability of House Mite Allergen Exposure in Dwellings.”
Environmental Health Perspective. 106.10 (1998): 659-644.
Jacobsen Oriental Rugs. “How to Clean Oriental Rugs and Carpets.” JacobsenRugs.com.
Jacobsen Oriental Rugs, n.d. Web. 29 Apr. 2010.
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State University, Sept. 2000. Web. 1 Mar. 2010.
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Web.
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Salvaggio, John E., Carol E. O’Neil, and Brian T. Butcher. “Immunologic Responses to Inhaled
Cotton Dust.” Environmental Health Perspectives 66 (1986): 17-23.
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and Upholstery: The New Jersey Assessment of Cleaning Techniques Trial.” Environmental Health Perspective. 110.12 (2002): 1233-1237.
 

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World Health Organization, Mar. 2005. Web. 29 Apr. 2010.

"Discuss a Political Issue of Your Interest"

Freshman year, my first year in America, a remarkable number of people had misconceptions about its political identity and asked me whether I was from North or South Korea, to which I replied, “erm, South?” trying hard to figure out whether they were joking or not. Everyone around me was amazed by the fact that I lived right next to North Korea, which they had only seen on CNN as the nuclear troublemaker.

Over the next two years, I realized that the way America treats North Korea was quite unbalanced. The division and unification of Germany was among the most discussed themes in history classes, with the comprehensive discussion providing background knowledge for students. On the other hand, textbooks contained only a few sentences regarding its current Stalinist regime, while news coverage reported its nuclear development and American politicians’ attempts at halting it in depth but showed close to no consideration of its neighbor, South Korea.

However ignored it is, as the blood relative and bordering nation, South Korea holds the key to geographic, political, and economic access to North Korea. The two countries’ relationship is nothing like the relationship between any other two countries today, standing as the last of ideologically separated nations. The direction of the overall South Korean policy toward North Korea can imperil or settle the precarious balance of power of the entire world.

I am one of the 45 million citizens of South Korea whose lives are most directly affected by the way South Korea and the world confront North Korea. Economically, a significant amount of the tax paid by South Koreans goes to defense budget and the economic aid projects initiated as part of the “sunshine policy” in the 1990s. In fact, my family will suffer a loss when my brother serves the required two year in the military and cannot contribute to his own college fund. The risk he is personally taking by serving includes two unwanted gap years and subsequent difficulty in continuing college education. Whenever North Korea stages a show to the globe by testing its missiles, it is no entertainment to the drafted troops, who are immediately put on combat preparation mode. These drafted troops include the brothers, cousins, and friends of most people I know.

Regarding foreign policy, I prefer the “sunshine” direction with more weight on aid for the people than hard-line pressure, especially considering that communist regimes have generally failed to survive for a long time and that Kim Jong Il’s health is not in a good shape. It is also an investment for the future, in case the North Korean government falls and South Korea has to take the economic burden, which would be huge even in comparison to the economic gap between East and West Germany. South Korea could also claim the right to merge with North Korea against an aggressive China. For these reasons, in both short and long run, it is very important that the world leaders acknowledge the direct and indirect consequences of the overall direction of South Korea’s foreign policy and take great care when handling the matter.

Leave

I sat there, saw it coming
I stared

Shock overcame. The visitor was not welcome but what choice did he have?
The air was too happy for such a thing to happen, I thought to myself.
Everyone around me cried. Too curious, I suppose
You can easily guess I was not one of them.
How grateful did they feel? How would you have known?
Yet they just yelled and cried.
The visitor stood guilty.
But Mister, you haven’t done anything wrong… investigation must prosper
Buoyancy in the empty skull watched all of this happen.
The guy with bloody hands: whiter than his sister’s trembling shoulders.
Just another person wrapped there.
Season’s greetings. A handshake with a mannequin
Carbon monoxide
Drank forty-four proof tetraacetic acid
As a result, he bled iron(3) thiocyanate.

Returned to the quarter of grief
I was so jealous.




really sucky poetry

-scent

“Now, that was reminiscent”
after a somewhat dull conversation
she rang a silver bell to call in her maid
who wore white lace
and had gold linings
the curve was rather attractive
she smelled of tazo tea unpleasantly
perfume was never necessary
“Excuse me, I do not understand
what you are trying to tell me
right there
with that word
reminiscent”
I had made her laugh then
I was called a little boy that I never was
no, ma’am, I have never been a little boy
from your mouth the words came
but not once were they true
right?
“You will notice that
if you wrote that word
reminiscent
in cursive
on a grain of sand
(“yes, it has to be a single grain of sand, what are you talking about?”)
that the word is indeed
reminiscent.”

“I can’t tell you what it will be
reminiscent
of, but it will be
reminiscent
of something”
april air was cold
the kind of a march morning
rubbing earl gray on my goosebumps
and lips
and eyelids
I contributed to the eventual change
that will bring us down
sometime.
(have you been alerted yet?)
no Alice was there with us as long as I remember
but hell, we had me
and the silver bell
and the maid
so we were more than satisfied
far more than we needed to be.

satisfied
in that state
forever
(too much)
yes, we were
satisfied
until
entropy came
and brought us down.

I was a Buddhist anyway.

Meaningless Composition Requires No Vocabulary

In the air, the Earth, the sky, even the space. You can't see me from where you are. Oh, no, you can't. I'm just a fleck of shame to the world. I'm the bit of sand in your eye that no man can take out. I'm the one quark that didn't fit the rule and broke your heart. I'm the wet spot in your gun that had you knocked out. But, dear boy, how I loved you so. We loved so much, you and me and the world, and no one was there with us, near us, on us. When you drank tea, you would wipe your lips and shush. Shush, shush, shush, how did I lose it? Your lips are so chapped now and you don't drink no more tea. I lay on my back, on your side, and saw the clouds moan for us. I still don't think you knew I was there. Tips of your hair touched my neck; thanks for that, I liked it a lot. Grass was not green where we were, nor did it hurt my wrists. I spoke in prose to you.



Monosyllabic words?

This Is Just to Say

This isn't by me, it's by some sophomore, but it was the most brilliant of some 20+ This Is Just To Say imitation poems submitted to my school's literary magazine.



I have stolen
the tiger
that was in
the zoo

and which
you were probably
mating
with lions

I apologize
I could not resist
So bright and so violent

Salad Bowl vs. Melting Pot

Debate


I used to be in one of those little Asian cliques my freshman year. Now I hang out with Americans and don’t talk to them anymore. Well, I’m convinced that America is a salad bowl. Not a particularly good one, but that’s not the question.

Take my friend Sam for example. His favorite pastime activity is prank calling, and when he does that, he employs an alternate personality. He has two of them. One is a Hispanic gardener, and the other is a woman in a heavy ebony accent. He is a white American.

When I talk to my American friends, I don’t like to emphasize my Korean heritage. They do enough of it for me.

In a salad, if you are a piece of tomato, you probably don’t know what lettuce, onion, cheese, or Italian dressing tastes like.

My other schoolmate, Will, assumes that I haven’t seen Titanic or Independence Day because I’m from another culture. I have seen both movies more than twice each. Will is a white American, too.

This ignorance of cultural difference can be seen everywhere. Go to Google and type in the word “why.” The second suggestion is “why are black people so loud?” Go to your school’s cafeteria. You’ll see a Caucasian table. An African-American table. An Asian-American table. Would you still say America has successfully merged its diverse cultures together?



I <3 informality

Brett Anderson Review

6.8/10

Suede sounds so British. They came out in the Britpop rush of the 90’s, and they sure sound like it. Although they were no Blur or Oasis, Suede does relate to nothing else but Britpop.

With his third solo album, however, Brett Anderson declares he doesn’t want to be associated with Suede. Well, Brett Anderson honestly sucked. It got stuck somewhere in between Suede and contemporary pop and ended up with a sound that doesn’t really go with the cover (yes, album artwork matters). Turns out Anderson did know that Brett Anderson went a bit downhill, and he did a pretty good job restoring his musical credit with Slow Attack.

I wasn’t really sure what I would expect from a mature Brett Anderson. I figured it wouldn’t be the typical Suede stuff. So I started blank. First thing I noted—more like freaked out over—was that it did not sound like Suede. Or, on that matter, Brett Anderson himself. The sharp annoying metrosexual voice is pretty much gone, although there are some places you can tell it’s the former Suede singer. In other words, you will never ever hear another “Beautiful Ones” or “So Young” in this album or, I suspect, any future album from Anderson. He’s made a statement: he won’t take magazine cover photographs in front of the Union Jack anymore. He sings more plainly, maturely, and calmly. This could be a good thing or bad thing depending on who you are. If you are a rabid Suede reunionist, you won’t like what this album shouts out: I am not in Suede anymore. If you are unbiased, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll like this album. If you are the kind of person who likes calm but not depressing music, you will love this album.

It was a pleasant surprise to hear classic instruments such as clarinets used throughout the album. As a lover of the clarinet family, I should adore Anderson’s decision to put an effective sentimental touch to the album with clarinets and, I believe, oboes. The minimum usage of the guitar makes me wonder whether he was trying to make a statement to his former guitarist Bernard Butler. Other than the oboes and clarinets, the instrumental arrangement is pretty standard with a guitar, drums, a piano, and strings. Anderson seems to put more emphasis on his voice. The sound is like cold air through the window on a winter morning—you know you are in a warm place, but it’s sharp and fresh.

The album is consistent, and with this style, no one would expect much variation. However, the placement of “Julian’s Eyes”—at all—detracts much from the overall consistency and atmosphere of the album. I would recommend cutting it off the album playlist. Ironically, it is the track that sounds closest to Suede.

Although the album is quite brilliant overall, Brett Anderson probably would not want to continue producing this style of music, as it will get old and sound the same as the listener deposits more plays. Anderson has proven he can be good and not be Suede at the same time. Now, we would like to hear more.

Passion Pit Review

Passion Pit was one of the best discoveries of 2009 for me. And I believe many others—I bet I can form a little legion of Passion Pit followers almost instantaneously with a few text messages. The best part is that the hype is not quite overrated (Merriweather Post Pavillion, tsk tsk).

I don’t know whether starting from scratch helps forming a sheer and unbiased (or should I say totally biased? It’s my uninfluenced opinion, after all) conception of an album. Assuming this is true, I say the album is pretty much amazing. Its appeal does not lie in its genre, lyrics, or sound. Manners appeals to everyone. From a compulsive Pitchfork follower like myself to a Lady GaGa lover, Manners has its moments.

To start off, Passion Pit does electronica. Yes, it is an awfully broad definition for a genre. I will do my best describing it. It’s not heavily ambient at all, so do NOT expect something like Aphex Twin (you would have figured this when I said a Lady GaGa fan would like this). One opinion of mine that will probably bring contention from the majority is that there is something is common between Manners and Sigur Rós. Furthering this analogy, I don’t think as many people would object that Passion Pit is the extremely poppier and synthesized version of Animal Collective (go listen to Lion in a Coma). The whole album relies heavily on synthesizers which give it the dance floor touch. I am no expert in musical instruments, but I hardly hear any acoustic sound in this album. I am also pretty sure the beats are done on a drum machine, which certainly is not always bad. One thing I never bothered to figure out is whether the guys distort the vocals which sound like kids. The distorted (or not) vocals do pose an obstacle in my understanding of the lyrics, so I will skip lyrical analysis. Not that it matters much these days.

I figured track-by-track analyses are not the best way to write reviews, but I will study two of my favorite tracks: “The Reeling” and “Sleepyhead”.

“The Reeling” is a catchy repetitive track. Many happen to associate repetitiveness with pop and therefore crap, but not when you find yourself listening to the track on repeat and find the song sitting on the top of your Last.fm top tracks stats. It is very addictive and has a sweet video as well. Like all other tracks in this album with the exception of maybe “Sleepyhead,” “The Reeling” has a danceable rhythm, although it does fall on the calm side of the album. It is one of the tracks in which the vocals are slightly more emphasized than the synth and all else.

“Sleepyhead” is recognizable as “that song from the Palm Pixie ad.” The irony is that this track is one of those which stick out of the album and is distinguishable from the rest of the album which is pretty much the most cohesive I’ve encountered in a while. The creepy vocals is the beauty of “Sleepyhead.” I feel like I would appreciate it much if I could hear the lyrics but the song is incomprehensible.

However, Manners could have done with a lot more variety within the album. When I discovered “Sleepyhead” was on the Palm commercial, I immediately texted my friend, who loves Manners as much as I do and plays “Little Secrets” all the time, because I thought “Sleepyhead” was “Little Secrets.” I gave up trying to memorize track names and distinguish them from each other a long while ago.

Passion Pit certainly generated an Album of the Year competitor with Manners (well, yes, 2009 is over, but whatever). I see much potential in it, and anticipation runs high for Passion Pit in the indie scene. Manners is, after all, more than promising enough.



I should probably not try to make excuses for bad writing, after all, this is my friggin' second language. Oh, and I gave this album a 8.6/10.

A Deaf Illusion

I swear it was a joke when I started that blog. Maybe not like a complete joke, since it was half school thing, but I swear I wasn’t thinking of such consequences. I just wanted to share a laugh with my fairly sensible English class. I don’t like to say this, but I can write. I wrote stuff about being deaf and put “I’m deaf” in the favorite music section of my profile. I made up posts about how people pity me because I’m deaf and can’t enjoy music but I hate it because I don’t even know what music is, complete with a brilliant analogy of orgasm, saying that you don’t know orgasm until you’ve had sex. I made up several posts about being deaf until someone accidentally saw my fake journal entries and posted some comments of hope. I was laughing to death and so were several other people. Then it all got sparked up. Most people would have thought “okay, this is enough” by the time they got comments like “My son is deaf too. I hope you don’t lose your faith” blah blah. It didn’t occur to me, sadly. I made up some brilliant posts about how I got hit by a car because I couldn’t hear. Mind you, those were some brilliant writing. They sure deceived lots of people. See, it wasn’t really realistic at all. That’s how I realized people are such stupid creatures. It got all serious and I earned some e-fame. Oh those days. Tweeting was really too much since “twitter” is a word about sound. So instead a publication company suggested a book deal. By this time, my English classmates were scolding me harshly with jealousy, and my average had jumped to a 99. My teacher was amazed. “How did you manage that?” he asked. “It doesn’t even sound that real!” No, it didn’t. That’s what amused me when people actually believed that I was deaf. The thing is, you always hear about deaf people being all miserable about themselves on the TV, but they’re really not. Deafness isn’t half bad as blindness, and blindness isn’t half bad as being paralyzed. You can figure out what people are saying, you just have to be extra careful. Anyway, I had to make sure that no one who knows me pops onto my blog and post comments like “She isnt def I no her from school! This blog is a joke!!!!” Then I started acting deaf occasionally. It was a joke too, I assure you. “Speak up, I can’t hear, duh” kind of thing.


It was all that neuroscience shit that made me really deaf. I woke up one day—I don’t know what happened, since my perception is all changed and stuff—and I was living a normal day. Well, I guess it was a really silent day. But really, it was a good day. No one bothered me with anything, and I was having some serious relaxation time. Then mom took me to the hospital for, really, no reason, and the doctor said I had a neurotic disorder that made the concept of sound disappear within my brain (BS in my opinion. Tranquility is not a disability).

So apparently, I am deaf. But I don’t know it, it’s just that everyone told me I was deaf. Since my brain no longer has any idea about what hearing is, I don’t remember what it was like before losing my ability to hear. If I do, I don’t understand it. Now I’m real deaf. So you can believe that the blog is real. This is some crazy shit, what happened to me.

This Indulgence Must End

Maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s just that I go to a private school. Or maybe it’s just America (which probably is the case). But I find my generation extremely indulged.

People around me spend. Spend ravishly. Spend as if they didn’t know what recession means. My best friend—no offense to him—collectively got more than $1500 alone for Christmas. I don’t see the justification in it. Yes, he is the designated valedictorian. Well, I still don’t see the justification in $1500 for no reason. I have been a valedictorian before, and I have gotten nothing physical for it. $1500? Damned if my parents will ever spend that much money on me at a time.

I see justification in having a laptop, a car, an iPod, and a cell phone. That’s about as much justification I can figure for anyone of my age. Two laptops, one of them a 17” MacBook Pro, are not justifiable. Four iPods and an iPhone are not justifiable. A high-end compact camera and an SLR (plus multiple lenses, mind you) are not justifiable.

When I make a purchase that is over $100 or anything electronics, I have to think for an extremely long time, like this laptop I am researching for over four months now.

Whereas, my friends just seemed to find it incomprehensible that I was afraid my dad would not afford a new iPod for me.

My English class had to write a rather personal essay a few weeks ago, and we exchanged it in class and made notes to each other's essay. This guy's essay—he's new—particularly touched me, even though it was obviously written in a massive hurry and had no organization whatsoever (it was in fact the in-class writing exercise done the previous day). He had a paragraph of how scary it was to go to the doctor when he was little. Once, he had endured a visit to the doctor maturely, and his mom brought him to the dollar shop and got $4 worth of toy for him. Ten years later, he recalls the incident nostalgically and appreciates the fact that his mom spend $4 for him out of her not-very-thick wallet.

I was glad to find out not everyone around me was terrifyingly rich.

I feel most enraged when I see that art students don't do anything and have everything that they don't deserve. I feel most comforted by the fact that they will live in financial misery when they are out of college. But then I feel bad again because they will 1)inherit a shitload of money and 2)marry a rich guy, probably.

But then I should be able to spend loads of money while my parents are alive because they declared that my brother and I are not getting any property from them. But my brother is a failure and he probably needs that money.

Being considerate requires misery.

Now there's one more reason for me to be pessimistic.


So this is the story of the Panic of 2009. May I feel like a bitch now?

Backwards Narrative (draft)

...On which Mr. Maddox has made extensive comments now. So it will be improved.



I walked the direction my back was facing, and so were all the people in the hallway. There were people putting books in their lockers, people pulling books from their lockers. Occasionally, a sheet of paper or two would be vitalized on its own accord and fly into hands and binders of people. If someone was creepy enough to notice it, they would have seen the history handout in my hands iron itself out gradually but perfectly. A few snow flakes levitated and were sucked into the grey sky. No one was careful enough to stop and observe this extraordinary phenomenon. Instead, people were all walking backwards casually. Only they weren’t. No one ran into someone else. We are all much trained in walking backwards.

I kept walking. I didn’t have to turn around to see there was a staircase. It came naturally to me, although I did look down while I was walking (backwards) up the stairs.

Now, forgive my excessive usage of the word “backwards.”

But I did keep walking backwards and went into a classroom. It was brightly lit. As I walked in, I handed the just-copied warm handout back into Mr. Stanton’s hands. The handout, just by pure coincidence, happened to situate exactly on top of other handouts. Two sheets of stapled notebook paper flung themselves into my hands. I identified it to be the essay for the test I have not taken yet (maybe I have). I put it inside a stapler and pressed it. The stapler not only unstapled the essay and swallowed the staple, but also miraculously filled up the little holes on the paper. I walked in a few more steps, and the plastic recycling can tossed up a wrinkled ball of paper in the air. I caught it with probably the least amount of motion physically needed to catch a ball of paper. Paper indeed acquires the habit of ironing itself perfectly in my hands, and the ball was no exception. It unfolded and unwrinkled to reveal its true halfway-written paragraph identity.

Holding my essay and now flat paragraph, I went to my seat in the corner. I made a few awkward, unnecessary motions to unsettle the backpack from my shoulders. I dropped it on the floor in a way that probably hurt my backbones. I sat down, pulled out a pen, and started un-scribbling the essay portion of the test that was in my hands. By un-scribbling, I refer to the curious capability of my pen to suck up the ink already smeared into the paper.

When I was almost done whiting out the first page of the essay, I started giggling for no reason, and so did half dozen others in the room. I was grasped by a strong, subconscious desire to take a look at Christine, my eccentric classmate. Half the class started to laugh out loud, and so did I. I turned to Christine’s direction. Oh, indeed! She was typing on a typewriter. A big old typewriter with a bell and the platform and everything. How she managed to fit that inside her bookbag I don’t know. It should have weighed good ten pounds. The whole class started laughing out loud. The laughter got louder and maniac. Then it was suddenly silent.

Ding.

Christine’s typewriter announced the end of a line, rather loudly. The class started laughing again. Christine didn’t even seem to care. She kept un-typing her essay with a very straight face. We were still all laughing maniacally. Someone said something out loud incomprehensibly. Then we all went silent, forgot about Christine’s typewriter, and worried about the test.

When the bell rang, the now perfectly blank notebook paper attached itself to the notebook, which I shoved inside my bookbag. With another awkward motion, I threw it around my shoulders and walked outside the classroom, backwards.